Being Scared is Okay, But Hey, Do It Anyway

Being scared is a staple in the formidable range of human emotions. It’s in the moment we free fall for the first time off of a diving board. It’s in the way we pursue first loves, interview for jobs, pursue new ventures, and face ourselves in the unforgiving mirrors of fault and weakness. There’s just no getting away from fear in most of the things we do.

Nine years ago, I was doing a really good job at ignoring an intimidating thing - an idea swirling in my head that kept nudging me relentlessly to write some sort of play or presentation, but I just couldn’t figure out what it was, let alone what I should do with it.

One day I opened a local arts and entertainment publication, and there it was: submissions were being accepted for the IndyFringe Theatre Festival, which is held annually in August, in downtown Indianapolis. I couldn’t look away, and the proverbial light bulb glowed. This persistent glob of dialogue and sound would be a one-woman show. Without a second thought, I decided to enter. But since I hadn’t actually written anything down, I didn’t have a title or a summary. So naturally, I blindly plucked out one of the themes in my head and named it, Come Dance With Me! (But First Can I Borrow Your Pants?). And yes, it was all based on a true stories.

Since I had waited until the final day of submissions in February, I was placed on the wait list. Okay fine, it was a sign. But then I received a call in May - and guess what, I was in. Which meant I had three months to write the script, figure out how to produce it, memorize lines, practice and prepare. Did I mention I had to fill up to an hour of time? Just me, on a stage, for almost an hour. By myself.

I plunged in, and over the following months I wrote and rewrote four different versions of the script, three of which I despised. My schedule was to perform it seven days over a two-week period. On opening night, I could barely breathe, and my first reaction was to sneak out the back door and run away screaming with fear. The self-doubt was overwhelming. What had I done? I was about to succeed or fail very publicly.

In my eyes and heart, I succeeded. Those months of preparation and two weeks of performances led to other big things, including a double-bill weekend at Theatre On the Square in Indianapolis with my friend and actor, Michael Todd Swinford, who performed his one-man show, Rough Sex - And Other Bad Words. I developed a presentation version and was invited to deliver it at the Indy Chamber’s annual Women in Business Retreat, with an audience of 500. It led to other wonderful things, and so my point is had I not taken the plunge, I would never have had any of these wonderful experiences. But most importantly, I would still have that bubble of thoughts and ideas persistently nudging my brain to let it out. I’m proud and thrilled that I had the courage to help it take form, even thought it was one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done. We all are scared to do big things, but I urge you to do them anyway. The regret of not doing so is even scarier.